(Below is a guest post by Emmanuel Conde, a respected IT recruiter and writer. It is part of a series of guest posts I will be publishing on CareerDiva offering a different perspective and expertise on jobs and careers.)

By Emmanuel Conde

I became a recruiter out of necessity.

I was an IT manager and a technical assistant center manger and then a consultant manager, and through these last few roles I was always called upon to do my own recruiting. It was easier for me to search on Monster myself for candidates than explaining what I needed to human resources. So, after so many years of doing this on my own it changed my career.

Now I essentially run a geek dating service.

Recruiting is often like herding cats. If you have never had more than three cats in your responsibility at one time, then you don’t know. I mean cats are great for stuff like ignoring you, allowing burglars to take stuff they don’t use, urinating in places you cannot locate, and running in different directions.

Geeks are like that if you are scheduling interviews for more than one in a day. So, you get them lined up and they can’t find the cell phone charger, or the server room has no signal, or they forgot, or they found a new place to urinate.

And they’re slow to make decisions, even critical career decisions. The problem can be even worse for geeks who are married.

Geeks are all the same when it comes to the opposite sex. So, when a lucky geek finds a mate it is a long courtship, even after the wedding. The geek who survived jocks and operating systems changes once married or in courtship now loses the ability to make a decision. As we age we are faced with a slack jawed zombie force of geeks that can only answer, “Let me ask my-” wife, husband, fiancé, or Magic Eight Ball.

I don’t care who they are turning to, the answer is often long in coming.

I do get pissed off sometimes, you might not be able to tell. Why? Well, opportunity only knocks once. Seriously, there is a need to move when opportunity knocks. If you like the job, then do what you do when you buy the new iPhone each time one comes out. “Sorry honey but I really needed to grab it when I did. I mean it was so shiny and new.” You make a decision, you sign the offer, and you go home and you lie to Honey.

But jumping on job opportunities goes at a glacial pace.

This is a pattern that occurs when I call the candidate:

Ring, Ring

Hello, this is Eman.

er Hi, Eman. Honey said, “no.”

What! You cannot say no now, you signed the contract, doubled your salary and have a signing bonus. What did Honey find wrong with that?

Honey called my Mom.

Damn, I hate when that happens. So, what do you want me to do now?

Can you call Mom? Please!

Damn, I hate moms! Ok, what’s her number?

Ring, Ring

Hello.

Hi, is this Geek’s Mom?

Yes.

Did you tell Honey it was alright for Geek to renege on the contract?

Yes, why?

Damn, woman don’t you know I’m working here?

What?

er I mean. Do you mind if my mom calls you?

In the world of recruiting you have to do what you have to do. Yes, my mom saved the day. I was really upset about it, but I got paid so it felt good to rub money on the wound.

I really don’t think any geek should get married before I find him a job.

Conde is offering his services, for free, to two lucky geek readers who need help finding work. Email me at careerdiva@verizon.net if you’re interested.

(Note to readers: CareerDiva is married to a geek and disavows this post if it upsets him in anyway.)