Recently I got an earful from my husband who thinks I can go over the top when it comes to work and family.
“Why can’t we just thaw chicken nuggets for dinner?” he sometimes asks when I’m in the midst of cooking a gourmet meal during the week and simultaneously complaining that I don’t have time to do anything. Preparing such a meal I don’t really have time to prepare typically means I end up working late at night on a story as a result.
“Everything doesn’t have to be perfect,” he has stressed to me more than once.
Well, I’m going to admit something to all of you. I need help. This stupid be-perfect battle often goes on in my head and it ain’t fun. Maybe it’s a super mommy thing, or maybe I’m just not right. Either way, it can sometimes cause great work-life balance strife.
In the end, everything suffers. It causes stress and who do you think will get the brunt of that, the family I tried so hard to take care of. And it doesn’t really help my work productivity level in the long run because at some point I begin to feel hopelessly overwhelmed.
That’s why I decided to run a guest blog post from a fellow career writer who doesn’t have this perfectionist problem. (Although I’d argue she seems pretty perfect.)
Meet Anita Bruzzese.
She’s a syndicated columnist and writes a blog called 45 Things.
Here’s her post on we pesky perfectionists:
By Anita Bruzzese
I’ll be the first to admit I’m not a perfectionist. One look at a bathroom I recently painted will attest to this fact.
But I have perfectionists in my life, and have worked for them. I admire their commitment to getting things just right, even as I seriously consider maiming them with a stapler.
I know I’m not the only one who gets a bit peeved at the perfectionists of the world. But why should I complain about someone who wants things to be perfect at work? After all, we strive to do a great job in order to get raises and promotions and more stock options. So, if I moan and groan about a boss’s perfectionist habits or bitch about a co-worker’s perfectionist tendencies, isn’t that out of balance with what we all seem to seek?
The truth is, there’s a difference between perfectionism and excellence. Perfectionism on the job is anything but. It’s disruptive and unproductive. For the perfectionist, it can lead to physical illness and depression. For those who must work with a perfectionist, it’s annoying as hell.
The problem is that the perfectionist gets so caught up in minor details that they can’t attain excellence. Instead, they become a bottleneck as they fuss, for example, with the binding of a project report instead of getting the report completed by deadline. The perfectionist boss hovers and nitpicks and agonizes over the smallest detail, preventing the staff from getting their work done.
Further, perfectionists often are dangerous: Putting them in environments such as the cockpit of a jet fighter or a nuclear power plant may not be the best idea since they don’t want to immediately report any mistakes they make — and failing to report errors and then make adjustments right away can pose a risk to others.
Part of the problem with perfectionism in the workplace these days is that we are constantly being asked to measure ourselves not only for the tasks we perform every day (performance evaluations), but also how we measure up against others worldwide. It’s a global economy, we’re told. We better be better than the billions of other workers out there!
This can be overwhelming for the employee or boss who already grapples with creating too many rigid rules and has difficulty not being hypercritical on every aspect of personal performance. Instead of aiming for excellence, which can energize someone because they like what they’re doing and enjoy reaching for the top, perfectionism seems to bog people down in realizing what they’re missing, not what they’re gaining.
Younger workers are especially vulnerable, I think, because they’ve grown up in a culture where they must get into the “best” schools, where they are given rewards and “good jobs” for everything from potty-training to soccer to spelling bees. When they enter the workforce, some who are used to being Polly or Peter Perfect find that attaining that ideal is much tougher. To not attain that perfect status must seem to some of them that they have failed. Not exactly the attitude that keeps creative juices flowing and productivity thriving.
At the same time, we burden ourselves with “rankings” that may have little to do with what we’re really achieving. Immediate results gained through technology mean we can see right away if customers like a new product, if our online traffic is growing or even if we’re gaining more contacts through LinkedIn, Twitter or Facebook. I’m not putting down this technology, but I am saying that it can cause further stress for the perfectionist who doesn’t enjoy the addition of new relationships, but rather focuses on the fact that they aren’t gaining contacts as fast as someone else. Again, they focus on what they believe they’ve failed to achieve.
Personally, I think it’s time the perfectionists let themselves off the hook. I think it’s time they learned to let go of their insecurities and join the rest of us in knowing that the picture might not be hanging exactly straight on the wall, but it’s still a great picture and we can still enjoy it.
For all those perfectionists out there trying to change the way they work, try to:
* Ask someone at work to give you a signal if they think you’re showing perfectionist tendencies. Once you realize what you’re doing, you can stop obsessing about a detail and instead think about how much you enjoyed working with the other people on your team, or remember a laugh you shared over the project. Is it worth annoying those people or adversely impacting their hard work just because you can’t decide on the font size for your part of the report?
* Learn to enjoy the success of others. Just because someone else gets a promotion or nets a big client doesn’t mean you failed. Make a list of all the things to enjoy about your life right now, from a great dog to favorite books.
* Ask for feedback. One of the most difficult things for perfectionists is taking the chance they will be criticized. It’s why they try and cover up mistakes, or keep their actions under the radar so no one will comment. But soliciting opinions from mentors or fair-minded colleagues can help perfectionists learn that feedback is beneficial and will help them improve. It can, they will learn, help them attain what they’re really after — great performance.