In West Side Story, Tony’s life changes forever when he meets Maria at the school dance.
He leaves his gang behind and embarks on a new life.
Is it hard or easy for Tony? Well, he ends up dead so I guess the answer is hard. But making that decision to risk everything you’ve known in your life is easier for some people than others.
South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford has had a long, successful political career. There was even talk about him becoming president some day. That is until Maria.
He fell in love with an Argentinian woman named Maria and everything else in his life became secondary to her. He even flew to Argentina, lying to his staff about his whereabouts, and was incommunicado for days — a no no for governors. The citizens of your state need to know where you are just in case some sort of major catastrophe occurs.
Well, he didn’t care about that. Suddenly his high-level career, not to mention his lovely wife and four lovely sons, were not that important.
Dr. Debra Condren, author of “Ambition Is Not A Dirty Word,” thinks it’s all about narcissism.
He (and let’s face it, it’s usually a man, not a woman) builds
this lifelong career. Builds up power. He becomes a legend — in his own mind.
The legend in his own mind and the nature of narcissism is that he splits off
his immoral, self-destructive behavior, meaning he compartmentalizes it/denies
it, essentially; the narcissistic mind has this way of telling itself, “That person
cheating on his wife of 20 years and becoming a horrible role model to my four
sons–I’m not THAT guy.”
So what kind of guy is he?
I’m not going to get into the ethics behind adultery or the hypocritical acts of a socalled devout man pushing his morality on others even though it didn’t apply to him. That’s not what this blog is about.
This blog is about careers, the work place, jobs. It’s about what so many of us strive for — a great, happy, working life.
Sanford seemed hungry for a career of political power. Here’s his bio from who2.com:
A native of Florida, Sanford moved to South Carolina as a teenager. He earned degrees in business and worked in New York in finance and real estate during the 1980s, but returned to South Carolina in 1990. He founded his own real estate investment firm in 1992, and in 1994 turned to politics. A conservative Republican, Sanford won three terms in the House of Representatives (he did not run for a fourth term). Elected governor in 2002 and re-elected in 2006, he’s known mostly for budget battles with his own party, and he has a knack for making headlines (including one stunt where he carried two live, defecating pigs into the State House, calling pig “Pork” and the other pig “Barrel”). During the presidential campaign of 2008 Sanford was mentioned as a possible running mate for Republican John McCain, and by 2009 he was making the news as the most visible governor opposed to a federal spending plan by President Barack Obama’s administration.
A man who carries defecating swine around has to be committed to his career, his job, no?
Well, that’s the question I’m pondering this morning. It seems to me Sanford was yet another person unhappy with his career. At some point he must have sat back and realized his behavior would impact his political future, but that didn’t stop him.
I know love is a beautiful, powerful thing, but love can also be used as an excuse to change a life you’re not happy with.
While we all are outraged at his breaking a commandment, we should all take a moment to think about whether an exciting Argentinian named Maria, or Mario for that matter, would be a welcome excuse to risk a career, a life, we really don’t want but are too chicken to leave.
June 25th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Great set of questions. Smart insight about “a welcome excuse to risk a career…” gone stale. Any way you cut, it though, narcissism plays a role. He may of lacked the courage to face his own bordom (sans Maria), but he also lacked the empathy to talk to his wife about same. He chose a path that may have been easier for him, but far more humiliating (and public) for his family/loved ones.
June 25th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
I think that the unspoken, unexplored, no topic shows on Oprah, Dr. Phil nor any other show that dominates the air addresses hormonal issues for men. Remove the hormone, the behavior goes with it. If a female has erratic or irresponsible behavior everyone hunts for a hormone to blame. This is not to say that what he did is permissible or exusable, I’m just saying that if people want to understand, it’s obviously a hormonal issue IN PART. Why aren’t there shows dedicated to the hormonal imbalance a man can experience where his judgement is less than best due to a surge of testosterone?
If the genome database demonstrates that I can have a propensity towards alcoholism, then, I should refrain from ever starting a drink. Point is, that a propensity towards a behavior is not a license to the behavior; however, for the ones looking for an answer, the will is weakened by many influences. I’ve heard it said during my martial arts training, “Take away a man’s air and you take away his will to fight”, so it may be said, a female that KNOWS a man is married who RECEIVES the attention and recipricates it reduces his will to do the right thing.
June 25th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Seems an above-the-law mentality emerged for this guy. Call it narcissism or just plain selfish. Either way his family suffers the most. Sanford seemed sincere in the presser, but it just doesn’t cut it in the end. I think the dissappearing act from state duties was likely a deal breaker thwarting any sympathy from the masses.
June 25th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
There are too many unanswered questions here. If his wife found out 5 months ago why did she wait until 2 weeks ago to put him out? If he broke it off with the Argentinian woman why did he go back to Argentina? How old are the children? A marriage is usually over a long time before a partner cheats, but the reality of it does not set in until they are actually caught. I’m sure there are hundreds of high profile couples that are just “keeping up appearances” because they are afraid to admit failure. Stay or leave, it’s the children who feel the most hurt.
June 25th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
Hi Eve,
I think you know I admire how you look at things. For this one, I wonder if you asked the right question, though (Would you risk your career for love?) Was it love? Whatever it was, he risked losing his family — something far more important. The thing that struck me as odd was that he “disappeared” on Father’s Day.
For me, I would choose love. However, I would try to do it in such a way as not to risk my career or life. I’m not sure how I would/could do this, but I’d at least try.
Thank you for asking the question!
p
June 25th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Hi Eve,
My apologies. Maybe it was/is love. What do I know?
p
June 25th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
That’s a key point I guess..no one really knows what was in this guy’s head, love, passion, narcissism, or testosterone. If he loved his wife, Maria, or his sons, would he put them all in this situation?
Thus, we can all question whether he loved anything, including his job as governor of the great state of South Carolina.
June 25th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
The narcissism is very clear and there are plenty of candidates in politics and business. Although you very much may be right, I’ve never noticed that narcissists want to leave or lose their careers. Do you think there’s a relationship between an affair and wanting to leave a career?
I think many narcissists want it all.
June 25th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
You maybe onto something here Eve…maybe Mrs. Sanford was another Hillary in the making and after seeing what happened to Bill…Mark decided he would rather be a Wal-Mart greeter in his next job instead of having to wake up next to her everyday for the rest of his life.
June 26th, 2009 at 8:41 am
Thanks for offsetting the word “love” in the title. This guy has no clue.
As to the reasons why? I offer an old saying. Then, I offer another saying that I picked up somewhere (I cannot remember the source to provide attribution) which looks at the biggest flaw of the first point:
1. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
2. The grass on the other side of the fence still needs to be mowed.
June 27th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
‘’This guy has no clue.'’-HikingStick
Absolutely dead on Stick. Sanford is a classic, middle age, narcissistic, clueless and helpless moron. If Ronald Reagan were alive today, he would slap him silly. I hope I could possibly get the chance to do so. He is no different than the stupid waste of flesh male who is married and goes out and finds a street whore.
I feel sorry for his children the most. It is going to be difficult for his boys to deal with the vehement vituperations of humor that will ultimately accompany this event. His wife has absolutely just cause to stick it to him and I hope she does. I do know that every day, for the rest of his life even if he lives 100 more years, his wife will and by all means should remind him of his infidelity every day.
Sanford is the classic man who has no idea how to make love in the first place. He does not have the concept of manhood and fatherhood and the awesome responsibility that comes with it.
The only possible defense, and this is in no way an alleviation of how serious I am making this out to be, his wife is an extraordinary indicator of this relationship. She should know there existed a gap between them that was faulty. THen again, the idiot alleged male probably had no idea how to be a good husband.
This is form the heart. Please understand that my wife is terminally ill. She is the luckiest girl on the face of this earth. If I am the saddest man, so be it. I am 48 and I am totally committed to our union, our marriage, our trust. She was kind enough, gracious and strong enough to accept my alliance. Long before she became ill, I once said that I hope she lives forever and I live forever and a day, just so she will not klnow what it like to miss someone you love so much it hurts.
And my God, it is coming true….my arms will ache to hold her close to me and closer still. This is all I know. And all that matters to me because I am a man.
Forgive me…
June 28th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
Robert, You do have to consider yourself lucky. Few people get to experience such love and devotion in their lives. I just can’t imagine what you’re going through now.
I’m more selfish than you. I want to die before my love.
I’m sending you and your wife good vibes and good karma.