UPDATE BELOW:
Why don’t women stand up when they ask questions at conferences?

This question was asked of me by the one guy who attended my women and leadership talk at the Institute for Career Advancement Needs (ICAN) Women’s Leadership Conference yesterday in Omaha.

More than 200 women came to hear my talk and many asked questions. But no one stood up when I called on them.

Typically, this gentleman pointed out, when he attends conferences that are heavily weighted with men they always stand up to ask questions. So it seemed odd to him that no women did.

So, why do we all think that is?

One woman standing on line to speak with me after the session speculated that women are fearful of calling too much attention to themselves.

There is something to that. Women are definitely more self-conscious. Not all, I know, but most.

I think it’s that self-consciousness that keeps so many women from attaining their dreams. Or at least it’s a contributing factor.

The theme that kept coming up over and over again at the one-day ICAN women’s event was empowerment. I know, people hear that word and think, “here we go. Yet another old and tired buzz word.”

I admit, I’ve thought that way from time to time. But I really did feel the spirit of empowerment yesterday. There was an energy during the sessions and the keynote addresses that was palpable. Women, including myself, were visibly pumped up, as if a coach was yelling at us to do that last sit up.

“Come on.” “You can do it.” “Don’t give up wimp!”

Suze Orman was on hand to yell at us about our finances. And Christiane Northrup, a women’s health advocate, was there to slap our vaginas and attitudes around.

Inspiring words came from one of the few token males at the event, Tim Rouse, who said it was time for women to take over and try to do a better job than the men, who apparently have screwed things up big time.

The theme of my speech was “From the Sandbox to the Corner Office: Valuable Leadership Lessons,” and I basically wanted to share with the crowd how the women leaders I’ve interviewed in my career were able to make it to the top.

Here’s a link to my PowerPoint presentation:

women-leaders-ican-printout.ppt

What did they have in common? I call it the Fantastic Four: Mentors, Positivity, Self-Cheerleading and Work-horsing.

The majority of women leaders I’ve met told me they had mentors they seeked out; they didn’t let discrimination or negativity derail them; they were great, or learned to be great, at tooting their own horns; and they worked like dogs.

That’s it in a nutshell.

Oh, and I also talked about ambition.

You know, that trait women aren’t supposed to have.

What I found most telling was when I asked the audience to raise their hands if they considered themselves ambitious.

I was shocked to see quite a few women did not raise their hands. And those that did, for the most part, did not throw their hands high up in the air. They offered meek, half-raised hands.

I asked one woman why she didn’t raise her hand, and she shrugged her shoulders.

To that I said, “every woman in this room should be ambitious.”

We want to breath don’t we? We want to survive? We want to do what’s best for ourselves, our families, right?

Then we all are ambitious damn it!

My advice: find a leadership conference near you and go. It may inspire you. ICAN inspired me.

UPDATE:

I asked Richard Zeoli, author of the new book “The 7 Principles of Public Speaking” what his take on women not standing up was and here’s his interesting take:

Unfortunately, many companies may not have offered women the kind of communications training they have offered to their male counterparts. That needs to change. And only recently colleges have made pubic speaking courses a requirement, and then only in certain degree areas. Training and study leads to confidence in those sort of situations. As people continue to advance in the marketplace, it would be worth taking the time to learn communications techniques. Even though I remind people that public speaking is no different than having a conversation, we are still predisposed to feel anxiety in these situations especially when we don’t know other people in the room.

The second reason is that often people feel nervous about asking a question because they play a little mind reading game and assume everyone else in the room will think they asked a dumb question. People often sit there and imagine other people laughing at them. That doesn’t really give us the confidence we need in these situations to ask a bold question.

The reality is that most people in the audience are also thinking the same thing, which is why they aren’t asking the question either! The remedy is to remind yourself that these irrational fears never come true. No one is going to laugh at you call you names. Get your mind to a place where you feel comfortable in these situations. I advise my client to close their eyes and visualize asking the question. Take a few deep breaths and remind yourself that asking questions is something you do everyday in life and this is no different. Once you muster up the courage to ask the question, you will feel a real rush knowing you just overcame a fear. The confidence you gain in these situations will help you in other situations where speaking in public may help advance your career. And if you make a mistake, remember that no one cares but you.