brown-nose.jpgLayoffs are spreading like a virus. Chrysler, Yahoo, Goldman Sachs, Xerox, Merck all announced job cuts in recent days and most economists now believe the economic downturn is going to hit employees hard.

Jobless claims are at recessionary levels already and most analysts believe the worst is yet to come.

Everyone out there wants to tell you how you can keep your job during the bad times, but it’s time for a reality check folks.

There isn’t a lot you can do if your number comes up when managers are crafting the pink-slip list. I’ve been through a few downturns in my day, and most often the head honchos at most companies panic during times like this. They hack and slash and hold their collective breaths, hoping that the stupid, seat-of-their-pants moves they make will help them from loosing their jobs.

That’s just the way it goes. Few managers actually think about the bottom-line, about the long term and how certain employees will help them weather the tough times.

All they see is a bunch of heads and they typically start cutting the most expensive heads first, that is, not those in the corner office, but those regular Joes and Janes that make more than the other Joes and Janes.

But unfortunately, the idiots push out the people with the most experience as a result, experience that probably would come in handy right about now. And that’s just a dumb idea.

I’m telling you this because I want all of us to take a deep breath and realize that there will be little rhyme or reason to what happens at many firms as the employee cuts come down. So people, don’t take any of this personally and don’t spend too much energy trying to figure out why they cut you as opposed to someone else. That’s a lot of job-searching energy wasted.

With all that said, I will still offer you some tips on ways that might help you to keep your job. Emphasis on the “might.”

Maybe you work for one of those companies that actually use some forethought before they start handing out the pink slips. For this reason, and this reason alone, I’m offering these suggestions.

1. Make sure people think you’re working hard right about now. Coming in late and leaving early is probably not a great idea.
2. Make some friends. Loners are typically the ones with targets on their heads so take a coworker out to lunch, or ask a supervisor to have a cup of coffee.
3. Move to a division that’s making money. If you’re sure your department is bleeding red ink, it might be a good time to move to another department if you can, even if the position you can secure isn’t the perfect one.
4. Let people know what you’re doing. To often we assume our bosses know how hard we’re working and what we’re accomplishing. This is a load of crap. No one is watching your every move, especially in tough times. So keep your managers up to date on your work. Don’t be a pest, just send an occasional email, or pop into your manager’s office now and then to update them.

But I’m not saying you should kiss anyone’s ass right now. Just do your job and be smart about what the future may hold.

If you suspect layoffs maybe coming, it’s a good time to update your resume and reach out to contacts you have in your industry. If you haven’t gotten on LinkedIn or Facebook yet, pick one already and sign up.

Before the ax is about to fall and you know it’s going to behead you, Stephen Viscusi, author of “Bulletproof Your Job”, had a good suggestion that may save you your job. He suggests you talk to your boss about alternatives. “Say, ‘Let me take less, or work 3 days a week, instead of 5,’” he advises. “It is better to have a job than none.”

And be a bit selfish, Viscusi adds.

“Don”t worry about co-workers losing their jobs. Devise your own strategy for you only. Gossip is gold. Don’t be ‘the office gossip.’ but know who that person is, there is a grain of truth to all gossip-find out the who and the what of is going on — be prepared.”

Unlike me, he believes a bit of brown-nosing isn’t horrible.

“If it came down to brown nosing, what is wrong with that? Everyone loves flattery, even the boss. However I am describing getting the boss to ‘empathize why they should keep you’, and fire someone else. It is about making the boss’s job easier, being low maintenance, and letting the boss know the personal you. For instance, if your husband died in 9/11 and the boss did not know that, now is the time to bring it up.”

What do you all think? Is Viscusi pushing the keep-your-job envelope too far?

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