I love my kids. They mean everything in the world to me. When they came into my life my world changed forever.
Given all this, I have tried to keep myself, Eve, as intact as possible. This is hard, no way around it, especially when you feel like you’re drowning in a sea of homework and toys.
I started thinking about this today when I read the suicide rate among white middle-aged women, between 40 and 64, is escalating.
The researchers don’t know why the numbers have jumped, but one experts, Dr. Jan Fawcett, a professor of psychiatry at the University of New Mexico, surmises: “the kids leave home and that changes everything.”
“When you get into middle age and start evaluating whether your dreams have been fulfilled – when you realize you’re not going to be a Master of the Universe and besides that you’re balding and aging—that can be hard,” Fawcett told the Chicago Tribune in a blog post about the alarming suicide study in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine.
Here is some of the data:
Between 1999 and 2005, the suicide rate for white women age 40 to 64 rose 3.9 percent annually. The raw numbers show a 35 percent jump, from 2,429 suicides in this group in 1999 to 3,280 in 2005.
The rate among white men is also on the rise, but not as dramatically as their female counterparts.
More from the Tribune:
What we’re seeing is the emergence of white, middle-age people as a “new high-risk group for suicide,” the authors write in the journal article.
Why is this happening – and why now?
“Really, we don’t know,” said Susan Baker, an author of the new study and a professor with the Center for Injury Research and Policy at Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health.
Perhaps, she notes, Baby Boomers are more prone to depression, drug abuse and their counterparts—despair and hopelessness. Perhaps women have become more vulnerable to mood disorders as they’ve pulled back on taking hormone replacement therapy around menopause.
We’re not sure what the reason is, but I think this is a good time for women every where, especially moms, to rethink their personal lives and their careers or lack of careers.
I hear from many women who feel like they lost their identities to motherhood, and that’s not acceptable in this day and age. Reach out to your spouse, your family, your friends, NOW.
Being a mom is hard, and no one can change that. But being miserable and feeling down about yourself and your life choices is something you have control over.
Make things better! Find a career, return to a career, work part time, volunteer, rediscover hobbies/passions from youth.
You’re in there somewhere. I can see you underneath that thick mommy skin.
UPDATE: Some of you have asked me if the study included any figures on if the women who committed suicide were married, mothers, employed, or not. I emailed an author of the study Holly C. Wilcox, assistant professor at the Dept. of Psychiatry & Behavioral Sciences, Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, and unfortunately, says, the data they evaluated did not have that level of detail.
October 21st, 2008 at 11:39 am
Did the article say whether or not these women were moms or not? I was just wondering if there was a percentage of single women or women without children included in the study.
October 21st, 2008 at 11:58 am
I’ve been trying to get that this morning Christine. I’ll do an update the second I get the break down.
October 21st, 2008 at 4:12 pm
I had the same question as Christine. It would be an interesting statistic to pull up.
October 21st, 2008 at 4:33 pm
I think ALL women need to understand eachother’s choices and stop assuming or imposing their own wants and needs and morals on others. There is an assumption in your blog that motherhood is really tough and unenjoyable (even linked it to increased suicid!) and women would be crazy to choose give up their careers to focus on parenting. That might be true for you, but it is not true for everyone. There are many women who would love to stay at home and parent but economics force them to work. I am sure the same holds true for many men men as well. There are people who ENJOY staying home with their children as their sole focus and do not need the outside world to feed their ego and make them feel valuable. Your blog also assumes that choosing to be a mother only at the expense of your career is an irrevocable act of definite permanence. It is not. Many women understand that life is a succession of stages and CHOICES for eacg stage and true balance lies over the course of a lifetime, not over the course of a few years. You can decide to stay home with your children for 10 years, for exampple, and build your way back to a healthy fulfilling career. And it would be nice that at whatever stage you find yourself, other women do not disrespect you for your decisions.
I could just as easily link the increase in suicide to the fact that women today are spending too many years devoted to their careers, only to find themselves in that very age bracket representing the increased suicide rate, and childless, lonely and unfulfilled.
October 21st, 2008 at 4:53 pm
I never said women are crazy to give up their careers. I said they are crazy to give up themselves. A career isn’t the only thing that defines a women, nor is motherhood.
October 21st, 2008 at 4:59 pm
yes but either one of those things, career or motherhood, can solely define a woman. That is the point. So long as the woman has made a conscious choice, any one thing or a mutitude of things can define her. And the rest of us shouldn’t care.
October 21st, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Unfortunately, defining your existence through a child is never a good idea. I’ve yet to see a happy woman who did that.
October 21st, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Eve - Pardon. Your (bias) slip is showing.
The data doesn’t show if they are Moms. Why would you write an article premised on that?
For a Mom, successfully raising your kids to be strong, independent, well-adjusted adults is Job 1.
The suicide rate increase mirrors the population growth. Likely, the suicides/100,000 people is little changed.
Joy of raising kids becomes joy of grandkids. Especially for my wife.
Sacrificing a family for one’s career. Now that creates despair as one get’s older and finds out that family is what is really important.
OH, I can hear the wailing and gnashing of teeth now;-)
October 21st, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Eve,
I am not surprised. Compared to many other countries, United States has an old traditional value system that does not support women to pursue their own happiness. Sadly, many American mothers think they are privileged and this false notion prevents the society to create a better foundation for women to combine a professional career with motherhood. To elect Barack Obama would be a step in the right direction.
When an individual gives up her/his dream they won’t ever live up to their potential. I work hard as a business woman for one reason: Working towards my dream makes me happy. If I am happy I willfully contribute to this society, be a better individual and a better mother.
October 21st, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Hi George,
You shoot yourself in the foot. How can a mother… “who gives up her dream”… raise independent individuals when she is not independent herself… but under your influence?
My family is the most important thing to me. I have three children and I run my business from home. Do I sacrifice my dreams for my kids? Hell no! What kind of role model would I be? Me and my husband is to determined to find a way to combine it all! I am sure you see the benefits of creating a better foundation for ALL people to grow and prosper.