I got an email from a woman this morning complaining about the amount of money she makes. It was déjà vu all over again.

I get emails like this from women all the time.

This is typically how it goes:

I make X amount of money but I know a coworker makes more than me. I’m really mad and don’t understand why my employer doesn’t see my worth.

These emails come from women at all levels of the corporate hierarchy, from secretary to high-powered executive.

I have to admit, these emails drive me crazy. Why? Because women just can’t step up to the plate and demand what they’re worth already. They want to focus on how hurt they are that their bosses don’t see how great they are.

Well girls, this is childish thinking and we all have to stop it NOW.

Sorry to be so harsh, but if you want to play with the big boys you have to leave your feelings at the door and go for what you want.

OK, here’s the actual email I got this morning that sent me up on my salary soapbox:

I make $18.00 an hour been and I’m with this company 9 yrs. Have over seen the training of office personal and have gone beyond my call of duty, have acted as office supervisor on many occasions, have put in 10-11 hr days at time, you name I have done it…
I am highly insulted to find out what the referral coordinator makes.

She somehow found out that the referral coordinator makes more than her and she’s “highly insulted.” This is such a female response. Most men would just get pissed, go into their manager’s office and demand more.

Not Mrs. D, as she calls herself.

I would like to know, how do I approach my office manager on telling her what I know. I am the 3rd highest paid employee and have 9 yrs on the job. I have been over looked twice for the office manager position, have done more for this office then anyone and know more than about the office than anyone.
Not sure what to do. I feel like I am cheap labor.

There it is, the “cheap” comment. Why do so many women go there? It’s like we all see ourselves as cheap dates that are being taken advantage of.

When I asked Mrs. D if she had asked for more money she said,

I have not asked for more money yet. My 9-year anniversary will be in June. I want to be able to let her know that I know how much this other person makes without disclosing how I know. I want to be able to let her know what I feel is my self worth and what I have done for her office.

Women, if you don’t ask for more money, you don’t get the honey.
That’s just the way it is.

Forget about the information you got about other people’s salaries. Your boss is under no obligation to pay you the same as someone else, unless of course you were part of a union shop.

So, you need to state your case, without the emotion and the “highly insulted” baloney.

You should lay out all the things you’ve done for the business, concrete examples of how you saved the firm money, or helped them make money, or made them more efficient. Find out how much other people make in your profession at other companies and present all this in a sensible manner to your boss.

But you have to negotiate for more money from a position of strength. That means you have to be willing to start looking for another gig if this doesn’t go the way you want.

Never threaten your boss that you’re going to leave, just make it clear that you’re worth X amount on the market, and while you love your job and the company you work for you want to be paid fairly.

I did a two-part series on women and negotiating for MSNBC.com a while back and I think if you’re anything like Mrs. D you should all check it out.

We need to stop taking everything personally, especially when it comes to our careers. We’re already sabotaging many of our personal relationships because of this feminine personality trait, let’s not doom work as well.