Work-Life21 Nov 2007 01:58 pm
How do you make a two-income household work?
I address the issue in a blog entry on the Huffington Post today. I was frustrated because of yet another survey on working women as it relates to work-family issues.
This is a perpetual problem. We always look at the woman of the house as the CEO of the house.
But we need to be turning to both the woman and the man. Welcome to our modern society where women, as well as men, are human beings beyond the kitchen and nursery.
Hence my decision to promote, when ever I can, the co-CEO household concept.
Do you have such a household? Do you and your significant other share responsibilities at home?
Tell me your story!!
November 22nd, 2007 at 4:05 am
Being the father of six (three of my own, three who were ‘coerced’ at 3,7, and 9) there is most assuredly an absolute necessity to share this imperative endeavor. Unless you have a clone, the task is contrapuntal. No matter what you read, or what other tell you about their experience, every situation is different. No matter what, your children require a constant monitor. At certain times, your children may require even more urgent monitoring. My youngest, still at home are two girls, Ivy and Theresa. They are 16 and 17. As wonderful as they are, I am relentless. As sad as the situation is in our household currently, my heart tells me these children will be more msture, more capable. My wife, their ‘coerced’ Mom is terminally ill. At best, perhaps a year. Nothing will prepare me for this outcome. Nothing will prepare them. However, the girl I married, the one whom my two youngest have called Mom for the last 13 years, is no longer the co-ceo. She has not been for a long time. She is now more the mentor of why life should be lived as though today is your lasr day. I have so much more to tell you, I just cannot right now, Thank You
Robert Graham
November 22nd, 2007 at 8:23 am
Our situation might not qualify and I have a hard time figuring out what the titles should be – in fact, I would rather not even go there.
My wife and I separated the day before our 20th anniversary. We now live about 2 miles apart – the girls with her, the boys with me (2 each). We refer to the respective homes as Estrogen House and Testosterone House. And actually, we kind of like the two-households, one-family idea – we’ve been dating recently and we get the best of both worlds – oh, what I mean is that we’ve been dating each other…
However, I work out of my house – most of the time – she works a more traditional job after being a stay-at-home mom for about 16 years.
I am the big idea person – broad plans and ideas. She is the details person – always has been. Even in separate houses, our finances and lives are intertwined and we are “forced” to work together.
She loves paperwork and organization – so I pass all of my needed paperwork to her – even forms I needed to fill-out for our separation. She does not like dealing with vendors or making phone calls – so I take care of that for her.
We use shared applications to manage our finances and tasks – in fact, I wrote about how Google Apps help your marriage…
I loathe the conversations about who is the CEO of the home or family. If we were talking for our home – because of the roles we play, I am probably more of a CEO and she is probably more of a COO.
But the facts are much different – much more pragmatic based on need. The reason many refer to the wife and the CEO of the home is the unrelenting need to provide artificial purpose to the role of primary scheduler and facilitator of household related activities by giving it a business related title. The purpose is embedded in the role itself. It doesn’t require a title or even the often “interesting” financial models people concoct to show how much someone who is in that role would be earning in the public sector.
The role IS NOT public sector – it’s parenting.
FYI: I’ve experienced the same bias and prejudice when I have my kids with me on some outing. I’ve had someone say to me, “How nice, you’re babysitting the kids – giving mom some time off?”
“Uh, no… I’m parenting – they’re my kids and I am not taking payment to have them with me, so I am not babysitting. Secondly, they aren’t a job where we need time off – we wanted them.”
While we are always trying to bend the gender curve – the fact is, for a variety of reasons, home organization/facilitation is typically something the woman does – whether she works out of the home or not. I don’t see the problem with that – and I don’t see the problem with a home running differently – the man taking on that role. The role is rarely, if ever, successfully shared 50/50. The responsibility almost always is. There is a difference between role and responsibility. The wise two-working family allocates outside of work tasks based on need, availability, and aptitude.
Harumph!!
November 22nd, 2007 at 11:14 am
Wow, two unique, incredible situations. I love this.
When I say co-CEOs I don’t mean that the work is split 50-50…no relationship, family or business ever really works like that.
I mean doing all that you can do in the marriage, or your definition of the mom-dad relationship.
We shouldn’t expect the woman to be THE household supreme being.
November 24th, 2007 at 6:21 pm
A marriage most assuredly should be an equally shared endeavor. The family unit that works best is the one that shares responsibility. The experience of my first family unit is quite an involved composition. Suffice to say, there is indeed alot to be said of having as close to a one person income scenario as possible. Working from home is an ideal way to do so. My reasoning is simply if you work, you are tired. The supermoms or superdads are short-lived at best. There is a very physical aspect to every human being on this earth.The old sating ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ is right on. Think of times when you work week after week, day after day, hour after hour, think of those times when you feel the clock must not be moving. The familiarity of routine is very real. From time to time, you love your children and your life, however it also becomes mundane. Think of your children’s point of view. Remember the boredom and the restlessness felt when you know it’s pork chops on Tuesday. Or how about oh no, not another boring road trip to your Uncle’s farm. As an adult, especially an adult with a family, there really is no other way to have a marriage without learning what your spouse is all about. I have learned because I am still in love. I am so devastated because I know it will be lost. Yet there is precious days to boldly share, and the best is always yet to come. I may be a very witless individual…heck, when I told my boss I was not getting paid enough for what I am worth, the response was,’ yeah, but we have to pay you something..’ There is chaos in every home with children. What is difficult is accepting that. Thank God for humor…