The skinny on sexual harassment…
I put out a call to all the female readers of my Your Career column to send in their most outrageous sexual harassment stories and how they dealt with the issue.
Well, I’ve gotten a lot of great stories, but I also got something quite unexpected…a bunch of irate emails from men out there who think I’m sexist for only asking women for their stories. They also think the whole issue of sexual harassment is made up and that many women use it as a way to destroy men.
I’m sure there are a lot of women out there who have filed bogus charges against men, or got overly upset when I guy asked them for a date. But alas the problem is real. I’m not saying I think women should go running to their human resource manager every time a guy winks at them, but there are some men who use inappropriate sexual advances/comments to derail the women in their midst. I’m just hoping women face these types of confrontations head on. Let them know you can’t be broken.
What’s your take? And do you all have some good stories to tell..men and women…
January 18th, 2007 at 1:15 am
i know that there are some women who use the harassment key as a way to get back at a bad ‘fling’ gone wrong. but, there are also a lot of harassment suits that dont get filed becuase women are made to feel that they don’t deserve to speak up. and if they do speak up, they are shot down as whiners.
i wonder how many guys dont report harassement? honestly, how many guys get hit on and dont think twice about it??
January 18th, 2007 at 12:39 pm
hey eileen,
i think you make some great points. it has to do a lot with how women perceive advances differently than men. maybe we need to let it go, or ignore guys that go over the top. in extreme cases women definitely need to speak up.
January 18th, 2007 at 2:54 pm
The discussion between Eileen and Eve is interesting. Let me ask you this? Is it sexual harassment when a boss books a room for tem at a conference with his 19 year old secretary without her knowing? Or is it harassment when a first year university student asks her professor for help and he tells her she can come to his home in the evening and he can help her there?
For me it is not about someone touching my breast (sorry for being explicit) – I can punch the guy in the crotch for that! It is about the constant feeling of not being safe and evaluated beyond your gender/looks.
January 18th, 2007 at 5:58 pm
hmmm. interesting. i think both these guys stepped over the line. should it be called harassment? i don’t know. it’s sort of scummy..excuse that.
but you can say no and move on…no?
January 18th, 2007 at 7:29 pm
the boss is harrasment yes, the instructor is inappropirate. (sp) feeling safe is important in the work place and in school. personally i do not allow men to talk to me in a way that makes me uncomfortable. if something comes up in conversation that i feel is wrong. i say, i am not going there. and i don’t. no i have not been fired or threatened to be fired because i won’t ‘go there’. have i been denied advancement? yes, has my work life been made miserable so much so that i had to find another job? yes. that is what life is about. adjust, modify, and move on. be glad to be out that circle of creeps.
my .02
January 18th, 2007 at 7:51 pm
amen sister!!
January 18th, 2007 at 10:51 pm
It happens to both sexes, absolutley but we cannot deny the double standards either. It amazes me how clueless men in high positions are to the notion of sexual harassment. Some personal anectodes: I had one Sr VP in a past job tell me he will make my job easy so we can take off at 2 every day and have drinks! Then there is the European colleague that harasses ALL of the women in the office and gets away with it because “things are different in Europe”.
On the flip side…when out with a group of collegues last week, three females were pestering a male colleague about his love life and about the fact that he had been engaged at one point. Comments were made about how he prefered to play the field and was not a one woman guy. I wondered how that would have played out of the sexes were reversed. And the time one of the male collegaues wore a new sweater and a few women teased him about how “hot” he looked. He blushed.
January 19th, 2007 at 7:42 pm
It gets easier with age. However, I am surprised how numb I have become. Maybe it is the only way - to adjust, modify, and move on. However, is that what we should tell our daughters? A boy pulled up my 9 year old daughter’s shirt the other day. If I was there I would have reacted very strongly.
I find many women are so lame and diplomatic about the issue of sexual harassment and discrimination. I doubt the guy in the hot shirt would be denied a promotion:-)My point is that if you want to stay in the game (be accepted)you have to be diplomatic! You have to say that men also are sexually harassed. Women who take a stand against sexual harassment and discrimination put themselves out there without little support and understanding.
The benefits about getting older are that you understand the dynamics and conditions in the workplace better than when you were younger and you can play your cards better. Thanks god I am not young and naive anymore!
October 20th, 2007 at 11:04 pm
men are just as much victims by women as well as women are victims by men . though its not againts the law for women to sexually bother men or other women. because millions of dollars more would have to go for same sex then the law has to be for men victims by women then the law has to be applied to women. so women dont be fooled into beleaving you can touch men and get away with it cause men as the right to file like a women.
October 22nd, 2007 at 9:09 am
you’re right ronald. people need to realize it’s two-way street.